One definition of balance is: “an even distribution of weight enabling someone or something to remain upright and steady”. Think about that for a moment. If we think of the “weight” of our lives as all the responsibilities, requests and wants we have to deal with daily. How can we balance all of it to remain upright and steady?
Unbalanced balance – My take on it
Is balance even possible?
A balanced life sometimes gets criticized as unattainable and unfair. To some extent, I would agree. I agree that it is unfair when “balance” is viewed as an Instagram perfect life or one where nothing goes wrong and a towel is never out of place. I think MOST people realize that life is messy, complicated and unpredictable. The key is to be able to get knocked off balance but be able to quickly right yourself. Like one of those punching bag dolls that no matter how much you hit it, it always pops right back up again.
Sometimes life feels like driving down a country road with the windows open on a beautiful spring day with your favorite song playing. Other times it feels like you are on a tiny boat, being tossed around and battered by an angry ocean raging with a storm.
The balance comes from knowing how to embrace those perfect days, enjoying them fully and knowing that when you are in the depths of a raging storm, it will end eventually. You might be battered and bruised but that is the time to take care of yourself and heal.
Balance to me means:
- being willing to ask for help
- taking a break when you need one
- doing what is right for you and your family and not what everyone else is necessarily doing
- checking in daily, having a plan but leaving room for flexibility
- giving yourself grace
- surrounding yourself with positive and helpful people
- consuming inspiring, fun, helpful or educational media
- being willing to say no to things
- having systems in place to help manage everything
- going to bed and forgiving yourself for any perceived mistakes and know tomorrow is a new day (we are often far too hard on ourselves and we don’t deserve it!)
- treating yourself the way you treat your favorite people
Notice that nowhere on that list is anything about having a perfect house or perfect kids or even anything about a career. Having balance is about what is at the core of your life. The stability and resilience of you. Your mind, heart, and soul.
My own unbalanced balance
Believe me, I have lived through incredibly unbalanced times in my life. Where everything felt heavy, difficult, impossible even. Days I didn’t think I would make it to the end without just curling up in a ball and hiding. For the last few months of my mom’s life, I felt this way pretty often. I was her primary caregiver and also had two small children to parent. I was worried, exhausted, stretched so thin, I was barely holding on. Words don’t do it justice. If you have been in a similar situation, you understand.
When I felt myself closing in on my breaking point I knew I had to ask for help. Take a break. Call a friend (I wouldn’t have made it out without my tribe). Sleep (8 consecutive hours). It’s important to recognize when you are approaching the breaking point long before you actually get there. Course correct and take care of yourself.
I knew I needed a break when I would feel anxious, snap at everything and everyone, cry for no reason and lose all patience with my amazing, beautiful children or even worse, my sweet, amazing, kind, one of a kind dying mother. Thankfully, that didn’t happen often. I had a few bad weeks and I knew that I need help. I sought counseling. I took a break. I let my kids watch too much TV at times. I did what I needed to do to make sure that I could be a good caregiver and mother. It took some trial and error to figure out what I needed. But eventually, I got there.
In hindsight I am so glad I had the awareness to know that something was wrong. That I was overwhelmed and not being the person I wanted to be. Objectively evaluating one’s own mental state is not easy or fun. It takes courage to admit that you are struggling and it is hard work to regain balance.
Face the hard stuff
Balance is not giving up until you get there. It’s riding out the storm and repairing any damage that occurred along the way. Friendships, intimate relationships, and sense of self can all get damaged after you have gone off balance. Take the time to heal the damage. Make the effort. Too often I see people do nothing. Avoid the situation. I have observed this enough in people to know, avoidance doesn’t work.
Believe me, I get it. There are plenty of times I put off handling something uncomfortable because it’s easier to avoid. But in the long run, it is always better to do the right thing. Not sure what the right thing is? This is why it is important to have surrounded yourself with positive and helpful people. I also think it’s important to have people that aren’t afraid to tell you the truth. Even if it isn’t what you want to hear. Even if it’s hard to say. I will always respect hearing the truth (from those who love me) even if I don’t like the words I hear.
Be gentle
I hope you know that balance looks different for everyone. I truly believe that we should be grateful, embrace the good, forgive the difficulties and kindly push ourselves to do better. Push yourself, but be kind. Be gentle. Give yourself grace. Remember that punching bag doll? If life knocks you down, just pop back up, straighten your mom crown and keep going.
Always remember you are beautiful, capable, strong, and resilient. Keep your mind, heart, and soul in an unbalanced balance and share your gifts with the world.
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